To minimize the fear that prevents people from attempting to connect and instead allow the love for family to be the catalyst that encourages greater connection to occur, I suggest playing a game I call "Tell Me More."
And here’s how you play…
Setting the Stage
Pick a place that's comfortable to sit in for a length of time and free from interruption. All electronic devices (cellular phones, iPads, computers, etc.) should be cleared from the environment to avoid unnecessary distractions that would run the risk of interfering with a freely flowing dialogue between the players.
Asking Permission
Avoid assuming that someone wants to participate in conversation. Always ask for permission from the person (or persons) you would like to be involved. If they do not wish to engage in the question and answer portion, it would benefit them to watch and learn. Not only will they discover that their hesitation is unwarranted, but they will often find they can’t help but participate, as communication is encouraged throughout the game. Allow the numbers of participants to ebb and flow without judgement. Remember, the goal is to connect with one another for as as long as the individual players wish to participate.
Deciding the Rules
To avoid potential conflict, it is highly recommended that everyone involved decide what rules they would like to see in place prior to the start of the game. Making rules up as the game is being played lends itself to people feeling rejected, judged, and embarrassed. A level playing field right out of the gate will avoid the potential for unfair practices to occur.
Examples of Rules include:
Counterclockwise play
Selecting who will read and who will answer the first question
If someone is uncomfortable with the question asked of them, they can say, "I am uncomfortable answering that," and another question will be asked. NO backlash will occur. Play will continue as agreed upon (i.e. counterclockwise) with no further mention of the unanswered question.
One person talks at a time (no speaking over someone)
Asking Away
There are open-ended questions and then there are closed-ended questions.
To encourage communication that connects, open-ended questions are the way to go. Open-ended questions allow greater details to emerge, which can serve as a foundation upon which follow-up questions can be constructed to reach even greater understanding.
On the other hand, closed-ended questions can be answered with a simple “Yes” or “No” (and often are) resulting in limited insight and greater chance of misunderstanding to occur.
Below are ten examples of open-ended questions intended for adults, and ten open-ended questions to be asked of kids. These questions are guaranteed to lend themselves to greater insight and understanding between game participants, one and all.
Open-Ended Questions to ask Adults
What was the name of your first pet and how did you get him/her?
What was your favorite food growing up and who made it for you?
How much did you make an hour at your first job?
Did you receive awards or honors during your school years, and which one meant the most to you?
What are some nicknames you've had, and why did you have them?
Who was your best friend throughout school, what did you like about them, and what kinds of things did the two of you do together?
What was the worst or funniest date you’ve ever had?
How did you and your spouse meet and how was marriage proposed?
What do you think was the best thing about being a kid?
Name three words that describe you?
Open-Ended Questions to ask Kids
What was your favorite part of the day?
What makes a nice friend?
What magic power do you wish you had?
What are you grateful for today?
What is something you can do tomorrow that will make your day better?
What do you think about when you are trying to go to sleep?
What do you think about when you wake up?
What do you think is the best thing about being grown up?
What is the funniest thing you have ever seen?
Name something you want but don’t ask for, and why you don’t ask for it?
Enjoy Connecting!
Be vulnerable and play this game with the people you wish to connect with in a greater way than you presently do. You will be glad you did… and so will they, for We Were Never Intended to Walk Alone!
Love and peace.
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